Skip to main content

The Night the Earth Ate Don Juniper

Image
By


 A Florida man was caught on camera being eaten by an evolved ground creature. On the night of September 20, 2019, Mr. Don Juniper did what he practically did every night, but this time, it did not end well.

Don had a very nice spot on the Florida coast where the water traveled away from him, which could carry things out of his sight, off his property and onto someone else's. He designated an area that he called his "Trash Hole", right on the edge of his land. According to the footage, he appears to have dumped all kinds of things from carcasses, diapers, condoms, "cursed golf balls", motor oil, food grease and even animal and human feces.

"This man has done some awful and disgusting things to that water and land. Every day it's something with this guy." One official said after watching Don's personal security camera footage, dating back just a few months, so far. They also said that a week before the death (or kidnapping?) the trashy area started to back up and become a blobby mess, but Don kept going, not thinking twice, it seems.

On the night in question, Don went to his Trash Hole, pulled down his pants, turned around to relieve himself and suddenly the garbage turned into this animal type creature, opened it's mouth like the Cave of Wonders from 'Aladdin' and then it consumed Don's body whole. Physical remnants of the victim have yet to be found, but he is presumed dead. Only a few have viewed the video and it won't be released publicly at this time.

Tickets went on sale today to see this evolved creature. One female bent over to get a better look and her sunglasses fell off. She was quickly eaten in front of everyone in attendance.

"I think Mother Earth is seeking revenge against those who disrespect her!" One observer stated, while another said, "Other than eating that one poor lady, the thing has been harmless."

Some have even claimed that it speaks to them telepathically saying things like: "Help me", "Clean me" and even "Feed me", as in, "If you mess with me I will eat you body and soul!"

The People have, of course, been trying to name it. They compare it to The Blob, Swamp Thing, Audrey 2, and even Captain Planet. As of now, the name seems to be Captain Earth Blob.

Whaddya say we get out there and help keep Mother Earth clean?! We don't want Captain Earth Blob to devour us and our souls like it will the bad people we send as tribute.


Click here to find out how you can help!

Bender






Labels

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Man Sues Bridge City and FEMA for Requirements on Debris Pick Up

By
       There was plenty of devastation and debris in the Texas area of Orange and Bridge City after Hurricane Laura, but one man and his wife didn't feel like the city and the federal government should tell them how to dispose of the debris. He said it "infringed on his rights to handle his trash how he wants", and she said that she thinks the requirements "gotta somehow be unconstitutional". For clarification, the post that triggered the response was as follows:      It's not much to ask of people to do this sort of thing and it's completely reasonable. In the interview with Bob Newsie they also complained about wearing a mask because of the "China hoax virus" and it's all about taking away your identity, independence and connection with people.  They were actually completely naked in the interview, didn't fix their hair, had horrible breath, cracks in windshields of their cars, showed us they had seat belts removed from their vehicles...
Post a Comment
Read more

Cats Receive Honorary House Award

By
     Cats do not get much credit, but let's give it to them when it's due. It may seem like they don't do much, or they are just in the way, but look a bit deeper and you'll see the tremendous jobs they achieve on a daily basis, and they think you should cherish those moments.     It started out as an ordinary day for the Hollier household and the cats seemed normal, but the perspective of the father changed awhen he realized what the cats were truly doing, and that it was "for the greater good".     The epiphany occurred while Aslan, the husband/pet dad, was trying to fold clothes. He took them from the dryer, placed them on the bed to fold, walked away for 5 seconds and came back to both Siamese rag-doll cats, Kipper and Kuiper, laying on the clean pile of clothes. He was surprised at how quickly they got there and got comfortable, but also irritated that they were in the way and getting hair all over. He tried getting them off, but th...
Post a Comment
Read more

Man Arrested for 'Special Sauce' Assault After Heart Scare

By
Tonight, a man in his sixties was arrested on assault charges after an 'In and Out Burger' Manager, Jeffary Coon, refused to give out the ingredients to their 'Special Sauce'. [IN & OUT PHOTO: CREDIT- Photo by Kevin Lanceplaine on Unsplash] Mr. Coon said that Archie Scranton, the  assaulter, staggered to the counter of the 'In and Out' at 51st St. in Austin, TX and asked the teen employee what was in the sauce, but when they didn't know, Archie got a little heated and began shouting, "What do you mean you don't know?! You damn millennials so lazy you can't memorize ingredients of everything you serve?"  That's when the teen proceeded to get the manager, Mr. Coon. Coon says he arrived at the counter and Scranton immediately began to scream at him, covering him in saliva and reeking of halitosis. "I demand to know how you make your "Special Sauce" because I'm concerned whether it should be available for h...
Post a Comment
Read more