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Showing posts from 2019

The Night the Earth Ate Don Juniper

  A Florida man was caught on camera being eaten by an evolved ground creature. On the night of September 20, 2019, Mr. Don Juniper did what he practically did every night, but this time, it did not end well. Don had a very nice spot on the Florida coast where the water traveled away from him, which could carry things out of his sight, off his property and onto someone else's. He designated an area that he called his "Trash Hole", right on the edge of his land. According to the footage, he appears to have dumped all kinds of things from carcasses, diapers, condoms, "cursed golf balls", motor oil, food grease and even animal and human feces. "This man has done some awful and disgusting things to that water and land. Every day it's something with this guy." One official said after watching Don's personal security camera footage, dating back just a few months, so far. They also said that a week before the death (or kidnapping?) the trashy

Man Arrested for 'Special Sauce' Assault After Heart Scare

Tonight, a man in his sixties was arrested on assault charges after an 'In and Out Burger' Manager, Jeffary Coon, refused to give out the ingredients to their 'Special Sauce'. [IN & OUT PHOTO: CREDIT- Photo by Kevin Lanceplaine on Unsplash] Mr. Coon said that Archie Scranton, the  assaulter, staggered to the counter of the 'In and Out' at 51st St. in Austin, TX and asked the teen employee what was in the sauce, but when they didn't know, Archie got a little heated and began shouting, "What do you mean you don't know?! You damn millennials so lazy you can't memorize ingredients of everything you serve?"  That's when the teen proceeded to get the manager, Mr. Coon. Coon says he arrived at the counter and Scranton immediately began to scream at him, covering him in saliva and reeking of halitosis. "I demand to know how you make your "Special Sauce" because I'm concerned whether it should be available for h