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Man Arrested for 'Special Sauce' Assault After Heart Scare

Tonight, a man in his sixties was arrested on assault charges after an 'In and Out Burger' Manager, Jeffary Coon, refused to give out the ingredients to their 'Special Sauce'.

[IN & OUT PHOTO: CREDIT- Photo by Kevin Lanceplaine on Unsplash]

Mr. Coon said that Archie Scranton, the 
assaulter, staggered to the counter of the 'In and Out' at 51st St. in Austin, TX and asked the teen employee what was in the sauce, but when they didn't know, Archie got a little heated and began shouting, "What do you mean you don't know?! You damn millennials so lazy you can't memorize ingredients of everything you serve?" That's when the teen proceeded to get the manager, Mr. Coon.Coon says he arrived at the counter and Scranton immediately began to scream at him, covering him in saliva and reeking of halitosis.


"I demand to know how you make your "Special Sauce" because I'm concerned whether it should be available for human consumption?!"           


The Manager told on-site reporter Kyle Simmons from Texas News with Bob Newsie, "I thought he really liked it and wanted to know more about it, but it seems that wasn't the case."

He told Archie that he couldn't reveal the recipe for contractual confidentiality reasons. 


Archie questioned the word "special" and said in his statement, while using finger quotes, "Why's it called "special sauce" anyway? All burger shops gots their own "special sauce"! What's so special about it if you can't give it a name? It leaves "consumers" to imply that the company name should replace the word "special" in some way. McDonald's has a "Mac Sauce", Burger King could say "Burger Sauce", or maybe "King Sauce", but these guys' don't sit right with me. How can anyone possibly consider eating something called "In and Out Sauce"?! Sounds like some disgusting, perverted sex fluid! Has no one thought or confronted them about this issue?!"

Mr. Coon laughed again retelling the story and says he told the man, "I assure you, it's nothing like that". He continued to refuse to release the recipe, then asked him nicely to leave.


Scranton says once he started to leave, he swears he heard Coon say "dumb-ass gramp" under his breath. Coon denies the allegation, but says Archie exclaimed, "I was a Marine!" 


Archie then jumped on his back and started punching him in the head until, suddenly, he thought he was having a heart attack and collapsed to the floor. An employee called the ambulance and the police. Assistance arrived, but they didn't discover anything wrong with Scranton and police arrested him.

Management admits, "Even though I can't give away the recipe, you can find one that's extremely close with a simple "burger sauce" google search. I  didn't want to feel like I was patronizing the man, so I withheld that information." 


He chuckled lightly, "
As for the name change. He has a good point and we might consider it. Some employees have already offered up considerable contenders like Burger Lube, Saucy Surprise and Fromunda Sauce."


[SPECIAL SAUCE PHOTO: CREDIT - 

Jeffary Coon also says that he won't press charges on Archie Scranton in the end, but wants him to have some time to cool off and reflect while surrounded by other angry people and bars like animals in a zoo.

For your convenience, here's a Burger Sauce recipe - https://dinnerthendessert.com/in-n-out-burger-spread-sauce/

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